Sunday, April 22, 2012

Important Questions

Here are some things I'll never understand:

1. Why am I more tired now after taking an hour long nap than I was before taking the nap?

2. Why did my old roomate make a bookshelf out of cardboard and hang it up in his room?

3. Why did it take me 25 years to discover that the word "bed" looks like a bed?

4. Why is this picture on my computer? ....And why is this parked in front of someone's house?

4.2 Who you gonna call?

5. Why did I ever stop playing with Legos?

6. Why does Anna have licorice shoved up her nose?

6.2. Why the hek is licorice not spelled lickerish?

7. What is inside that 49 cent chicken pot pie that makes it burn your mouth no matter how long you wait before eating it?

7.2 Why does that pot pie smell like sweaty armpit?

7.3 Why do armpits sweat?

7.4 If a pot pie and a hot pocket got in a fight, who would win?

8. Why haven't I written on this blog in 3 years?

The world may never know.

Monday, October 26, 2009

I'm a Ninja...kind of

I thought about studying for a test tomorrow...that's about as far as that went.

I'd rather procrastinate.

It kind of started with me getting locked out of my house. I went next door to talk to a girl about tomorrow's exam. I came back, and realized that I had locked the door behind me without bringing my keys. Hate it when that happens.

Luckily I know how to break into these apartments. I went back to Kathleen's asked for a screwdriver and returned to my apartment window. I carefully removed the screws, trying not to mess up the already bent window-covering anymore than necessary and pulled the screen off.

Anyway, after I removed the screen, I looked at the dust infested blinds (seriously those things are dirty. I mean, it kind of looks like it's growing some kind of grey fur, ew), lifted one leg up over the of the window sill, and reached my arm though. Slight problem: there was a vcr right on the other side (notice the emphasis on was) ...I mean come on, who has a vcr!? answer: my roommate....anyway, the old useless piece of junk decided to fall over and crashed on the ground as i simultaneously-and-not-so-gracefully got caught on an internet cable, slipped, and fell through the blinds and slammed into the computer table.

Yeah, I'm a ninja.

I just need some practice.

And I need to get back to homework.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Whoa 23

So I'm 23 now. Pretty crazy. I feel old.

As I get older, the need to get presents for my birthday has all but gone away, but this birthday i got some awesome and very thoughtful presents...

1. Fudge. My mom sent me a tub of homemade fudge, it seriously is like the best thing ever.

Awesomeness Level: 5
Thoughtfulness Level: 5

2. A bunch of girls came over at 5:45 am, and broke into my house (my roommate was supposed to let them in, but I guess he forgot) woke me up and took me to an awesome restaurant called Bobo's. Seriously amazing. ....Honestly I was pretty grumpy for about 2 mins. I mean, 5:45 is pretty dang early, but then I had a blast.

Awesomeness Level: 1.7-5 (the first 2 mins was horrible, but then it was pretty amazing)
Thoughtfulness level: 5

3. A case of IBC cream soda, a burned cd, and 5 pictures of random people I don't know that Paige found near the swimming pool at my apartment complex. It was amazing. Enough said.

Awesomeness Level:5
Thoughtfulness Level: 5

4. A pumpkin that said "Happy Birthday Joe!" I thought it was really nice till I looked on the back and which said, "U R A brat" .... :)
Awesomeness Level: 1-5 (depending on which side of the pumpkin you look at)
Thoughtfulness Level: 1-5 (depending on which side of the pumpkin you look at)

5. A Chocolate cupcake with a match on top (he was out of candles).

Awesomeness Level: 5
Thoughtfulness Level:5

6. I got home kind of late on my birthday, and went into my room. There was a brown paper bag on my bed with a sign that said "It's a boy!" On the side was also a note "Happy Birthday Joe, from Chris" (one of my roommates) Inside, Chris had thrown a bunch of things that I think he found inside his closet.....including a pair of baby socks, an old rubber soccer ball, 3 skeletons with ropes tied around their necks, a pencil with snails painted on it, and an old/used comb.

I started laughing so hard that I woke up my roommates.

Thoughtfulness Level: .1
Awesomeness Level: 17


Anyway, it was a fun day.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


I'm a poor college kid who doesn't like to spend too much money on himself. I'm not a tight-wad or anything, i just don't like spending massive amounts of money on useless things like laundry detergent (yay for Febreeze....ok, so it's my roomate's Febreeze, but that's beside the point).

This kind of reminds me of other day when I had a corn dog for lunch. You know, one of those 25 cent pre-fab-non-biodegradable types that has that funky wooden taste from the stick slammed through the middle of the dog? They're not really that bad...ok, nevermind, they are pretty much that bad. Bad describes it really well actually. One of the institute teacher's walked by with one on a plate, took a bite and said,"Hmmmm". I guess I gave him a weird look or something because he looked up at me and said, "I'm humming because it's warm, not because it's good.

Yeah, you know what i mean

Anyway, after removing the plastic covering and placing the frozen slab of almost-food on a paper plate, I popped it in the microwave for 85 seconds (if you do it for 90 seconds, the backside explodes...still not sure why that happens) then pulled it out, and covered it in crazy amounts of ketchup/mustard (if you put enough mustard and ketchup on, it almost tastes like real food) and started eating the dog.

While eating the batter blasted piece of ultra-processed meat, feeling my arteries clog and my stomach scream, i began to question the the reasons for eating not just one, but two of these things. Usually I'm a pretty rational guy, most of the time...ok, except for that time when I decided that it would be smart to go around and asking random girls to marry me, or when I decided to stay up till 4:00am watching Nacho Libre instead of studying for a test the next morning... but, I mean, there is no diffence in taste between the actual hot dog and the peice of wood jammed through it's center! None at all. Why the hek am I eating these!?.....

And then it hit me: because they're only 25 cents.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I Play the Piano . . . sort of

So, every once in a while i get these crazy urges to do weird things like running at 5:30 a.m., bungie jumping, sky-diving, belly-dancing, finger painting, or reaching out my arm and clotheslining people when they ride by on their skateboards.

Luckily i don't give in to these crazy urges. . . .too often.

But, ... the other day was at some friends house... and we sort of started playing the piano. . . .

and then got bored with the feet....


life is good :)

Sunday, September 6, 2009


So, there's been a watermelon sitting on the desk in the middle of my living room for the past few days and I'm not really sure why.

I'm scared of asking anyone about it in the event that I'm hallucinating and am the only one who actually can see this huge green thing covering half of the table. But seriously. Why the hek is it there?

I've come up with some possible solutions:

1. One of my crazy roomates put it there.
2. I slept walked over to the grocery store last night, bought a watermelon, placed it on the table in front of everone, and then went back to bed.
5. There isn't a number 4
6. I really need to cut back on my ice cream intake..... so, ok, this doesn't really explain the watermelon, but it's still true.
7. I have a bad case of three-weeks-into-the-semester-itis (more commonly known as homework flu) and I'm hallucinating

It's gotta be #7

Monday, August 3, 2009

Lake Powell

This past week has been pretty awesome. It started off with me getting invited to go to Lake Powell and it was a blast. Schedule was like this: Wake Up. Eat. Play in the Water. Eat. play in the sand. Eat. Sleep. Play on the Jet Ski (which is amazing by the way). Cliff jump. Eat. Laugh at my two new blog stalkers who are hilarious (hi Tawni and Ashley). And get sun, i'm still peeling.

Anyway, here are some pics of the 3 day awesome trip. By the way, you know, jet skis are pretty much the most amazing things ever!!! Holy Cow!! So much fun.

Moving at 45 mph and then whipping the jet ski around is so fun! and it makes some wicked cool waves.

I also got a really cool tattoo too. A little girl came up to me and said, "That's a little girl's tattoo, not a boy tattoo". Ok, so she was right, but hey, everyone else took all the manly skull and crossbones and lightning ones.

Scott and I made a huge t-rex sand sculpture nad htat was really fun. It took a while to make, ok, so it took over 4 hours to make. Doh! It was pretty cool though

By the end of the trip i was pretty exhausted.....

...not gonna lie, I look pretty jacked up in this picture.
anyway, it was a really fun trip